Hurtful Expectations

This is halfway an attempt to explain why I have so negative reactions to images of sexy women, partly an attempt to unload a bit of the pressure I feel I'm under. It's a summary of what has been going on in my head for years, piling up ever higher until I'm close to snapping point quite often.

I see advertisments using women as decoration. A photo of a woman's arse: Buy our kitchen knives! A woman swimming nude: Buy our margarine! A bunch of women in sponge bikinis cleaning a car by rubbing their tits and arses against it: Buy our cellphone plan!
I understand that "they" see women as things, not as people.

I see movies and comics which supposedly feature action heroines. They wear high heels and corsets, long hair and dangly accessories, clothes that consist of more holes than fabric, or that cling as tightly as body paint. They are routinely shown in ridiculous contortions to show off their tits and arses. Often they will need rescuing by a male hero, or they are killed off for the effect that will have on a male hero, or they will be made a love interest, a trophy of a male hero rather than someone in their own right.
I understand that "they" see women as commodity for men, as sex objects. Women need no brain, no common sense, as long as they are sexy. And they are not expected to have any sense.

I see an advertisment of a woman in an evening dress with cleavage well below bust line and slit sides up to her hipbones, next to a man in a suit. He is grabbing her arse, and she likes it. I see that women are expected to show more skin than men. I see images of nude or nearly nude women used as decoration a lot.
I understand that "they" want women to be exposed, vulnerable.

I see photos of women tied up and gagged, degraded and beaten, staged to look "sexy", for example, featured on deviantArt.
I understand that "they" want to hurt and rape women. That explains why they like women to be vulnerable: It makes hurting us easier.

I see actresses who all look the same, female comic figures that all look the same, all young and "sexy" (while male actors and comic figures come in all kinds of ages and shapes).
I try on clothes, and nothing fits me properly.
I understand that "they" think I (and 99% of women on this planet) have no right to exist, because I don't fit their narrow mold.

I hear someone saying "women are bad at maths and logical thinking", or "women are bad at spatial thinking and reading maps", or "women don't understand technology".
I understand that they take one look at me, and decide I must be stupid.

Then I also hear them saying anything like "women like buying shoes" or "women wear makeup".
I understand that if they knew me, they would consider me an unnatural freak, because I don't fit their mold for "woman".

I hear someone say "women are better at social interaction and empathy than men".
I understand that they think I'm a complete failure, because I'm a woman and not good in the one field women are supposed to be good in.

I hear someone saying "Women are only happy in their natural role. If a woman thinks she wants to be anything but a housewife and mother, she's just deluding herself."
I understand that they think I am a machine, a thing, without a mind, without a right to make choices.

This is what living in my head is like, on a bad day.

I don't like little children. I am interested in technology, and don't do too badly in maths. My spatial thinking is, if a recent test I took is any indication, better than that of the average man. I hate buying shoes and clothes. I'm short, and have small breasts because most fat goes to my thighs and arse. Shaving my legs gives me a rash, so I'd rather not even try what would happen if I shaved my pubic hair, and I'm not masochistic enough for waxing anything. I'm a geek with trouble socialising, and the out I looked for was taking up Friday Night Magic: The Gathering tournaments, where I'm the only woman among a dozen guys.

I am sick and tired of being told very nearly every day of my life, in many little ways, that I have no right to exist as I am, that I should either try to change myself and suffer, or cease existing altogether.